Thursday, April 30, 2009

In Which a Catchy Title Eludes Me

Wow, I can't believe it's Thursday already. Where on earth has this week gone. It's not like I even have an excuse of being so terribly busy, because it hasn't been. It's been the same routine as always but my days have sort of just disappeared on me and today my mind is a big ole blank. So I going to do what every good little blogger does when they're mind is mush and I'm just gonna go ahead and do a laundry list of happenings .

-As much as I love cooking this week has been tough slugging in this department. Oh I have lots of ideas I can cook, I just haven't felt like it. I'm just gonna go right ahead and blame it on the crazy weather. It's getting the blame for everything else, so why not? After firing up the grill a couple weeks ago and getting my tastebuds going for a more springy summery menu that involves barbque sauce, it was discouraging to have to resort back to a more winter menu due to the barbque being under a foot of snow! Hubby was a sweetheart and picked up pizza last night. Thank you Hubby! Pizza, of course, is a year round meal!

-this Saturday the youth group is doing their highway clean up fund raiser. My flesh crieth out! I am NOT looking forward to it. Being there at 6:30 in the morning on a Saturday, trekking through ditches for 6 - 8 hours picking up garbage. It is hard work! But on the positive end, it raises enough money for our small youth group for the entire year. We don't have to do any other fund raisers and it helps them to attend youth conferences, have their annual camping trip and do various other activities for basically minimal cost to us parents and in some cases, no cost at all. That is good news for my budget. So I will be out there with the youth and other parents at 6:30 a.m. on a Saturday, shivering and drinking the biggest travel mug of coffee that I own. And I must remember the ibuprofen for my poor hips! Am I sounding like the matyr yet or what?!

-after much evaluation, thought, prayer and study, hubby has decided he'd like to start a home business. I cannot say how much this makes my heart tremble. Not because I don't think he can do it. I have full confidence that with the Lord leading him, he can. But what I'm struggling with is myself. More to the point: getting my "self" out of the way. To say I've become a little set in my ways and in my routine with me working at home for the last 19 years is an understatement. I have my little pattern for the day all mapped out. I do things a certain way and certain things at specific times. And now the thought of him also working at home and an upheaval in my routine coming about is really upsetting me. Yes, he has been unemployed for 3 months and has been around the home, so you'd think I would be used to it by now. But in my mind it was a temporary situation and I was just "putting up" with it until he got a job. But now with a home business, the situation is a little bit permanent. Which has me really frazzled, and it's coming out in all sorts of ways that I don't like seeing in myself. At all. I never really thought of myself as an inflexible or selfish person, but to my shame, that is exactly what I'm seeing manifesting. Sigh. I'm wondering if just maybe, this has been buried in my heart and God finally wants to root it out, so is allowing all this so that the work might be done. At my ladies group the other night, I realized that it's really easy for me to tell people to trust God and what He would be working out in their lives but now I'm faced with it, and it was like God was asking me am I going to trust Him to work out the best? Am I going to lay down things at His feet the way I so easily advised others to do? Was I going trust Him with my heart and allow His cleaning to occur without fighting Him every step of the way? Romans 8:28 has been churning in my heart:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His purpose."
In the side of my Women of Faith Study Bible, it says about this scripture:
"Let's be crystal clear here. God works everything in believers' lives for their "good". This doesn't mean that everything works for pleasant lifestyles, enjoyable futures and happiness. The "good" here, though it isn't defined or specified, is to be understood as a spiritual and eternal "good". God uses everything in believers' lives --and often the difficult things in their lives--to remake them, to transform them into the likeness of his Son. Everything that happens to us, the easy, the difficult, the grief, the pain, the joy-- has one purpose: to make us like Jesus."
And isn't that interesting when the book am I reading right now is all about spriritual transformation. Couple that with the the fact that the chapter I am on is obediance to God. That book, if you're interested, is this book. And I would reckon that God is trying to tell me something. All I can say right now is "But for the grace of God I go". May I be willing to let Him do the work!

-Whoo boy, I didn't think I'd be writing all that in the last point. LOL. Sheesh. I was going to do a couple other points about exciting things like laundry and surviving the dreaded parent teacher interview last week but I all of a sudden feel exhausted! LOL.

So, let's just get the focus off me now. That's a little more soul-baring than what I'm used to. So. What's new with you guys? LOL.


Anonymous said...

Susanne, I'm glad you were able to identify your unease at having your husband home on a more permanent basis. I hope you'll work things out so that you'll both work comfortably from home. Sometimes (all the time?) God's reshaping is painful. Hugs to you, my friend.

Laura said...

You know that is actually why I love you and love visiting you here. Your willingness to be so honest and open is like a breath of fresh air. I will definitely be praying for you both in this transition and soon you'll have a whole new routine mapped out for yourself. I'm betting it's going to be even better than before! :)

Anonymous said...

It is so wonderful when people speak from their heart and truly mean it. There are so many people out on the web and in life that say stuff just to be saying it without any truth in their words at all. You are a breath of fresh air.

As for this weekend...Pizza after that sounds like a great dinner again. LOL. I so love pizza and after a hard days work...Well what could be better

As far as your hubby working at home permanently. I see your struggle with this. I do believe however, that he is going to be so busy with this that you might not even notice him. Even if that doesn't happen, and I'm not married, so who the hell am I to say this, but I think some ground rules should be made. You both need your own space and time to deal with just you. Keep a positive thought about all of this and I'm sure you will be okay with all of this. New events in our life always seem to hamper it for a while, but in the end..doesn't it all work out? Besides, you can always vent here on your blog. I wish you both all the luck in the new business. Positive thoughts...remember that :)

Aloha my friend.

ellen b. said...

I'll be praying for you. :0) I've told hubby he can never retire for that same reason :0)

Marg said...

I like mush...It comes from the heart. I remember those days. Hope your day works out OK.
We are always working together at home....It works....not without challenges, but it's our attitudes that count.

Beck said...

I'll be praying for you guys!
I've also been making my poor husband cook dinner most nights - I'm a bit sick. So I'm no help.

Hey, we're going to a church town cleanup this weekend too! I am also not looking forward to it, but oh wellllll....

Willow said...

Huh, I was just thinking this afternoon, how am I going to spent my summer days? The Prof and I will both be home 24/7 all summer and getting under each other's feet and in each other's way. Maybe we need to talk... I was where you are several years ago when The Prof was out of work and I remember it was 'an adjustment'.

Barb said...

I really respect you for being so open and honest about your feelings, Susanne. I understand exactly how you feel about him working from home. I think there's going to be some adjusting on both your parts - it's going to be very different for him too - you'll find a way to become comfortable with it.

Think of it as a preview of retirement. :-)

Chappyswife said...

Wow, Susanne. How is it that we can be going through the same things so often when you live a world away?!

Two things came to mind that God is using my in my life right now that could possibly help you as well. (Although I know He uses different things for different people.)

They are the book "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day" by Mark Batterson (he also has a great blog) and the song "So Long Self" by MercyMe.

That's not all He's been using for me - lol - but those are the two that came to my mind as I was reading. :0)

Barbara H. said...

I had the same problem with cooking, but the other extreme. I had been out running errands and came home terribly, awfully hot. And I had planned an oven meal for that day, duh!! Just couldn't do it. We tried the new KFC grilled chicken that night.

I would struggle with being anywhere that early in the morning, too. But it is neat that's the only fundraiser all year.

I do know what you mean about having the husband at home. It's not that we don't love them or want them around -- just that we're so set in out ways. My husband works from home 1-3 days a week. A lot fo his work is on the phone and I so chafe when I hear constant talking when it's usually quiet in the day time -- especially if I am working on the ladies' group newsletter or something where I need to think. But when I am trusting the Lord about it, He opens up those pockets of quiet time right when I most need them. I still chafe at not being able to just do my own thing without having to take someone else into account -- but, as you say, that boils down to just selfishness.

I guess we'll never run out of things for the Lord to work on with us til we get to heaven!!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

I remember the youth clean up from last year!