This is what teen girl wanted to be doing in last night's game.
This is what she did the whole. second. half. (Not the holding the head in the hands thing, but the growing cobwebs thing).
Help me out here. What do you do with a coach who last year changes the position she's played for 5 years, plays and trains her in this new postition in practices and then in the game throws her into her old position which she hasn't practiced for a year? And then when she doesn't do great sits her on the bench for the whole second half. What do you do with a coach who tends to only play his hot players while the rest of the team sits on the bench? What do you do with a girl who is very, very frustrated but is horrified at the thought of you calling up said coach for a chat? Even when you promised you'd just inquire for her what his thoughts are and you swore on a pinky promise you would not act mad or tell him off or tell him what to do, even when that is exactly what you really, really want to do. When everything in you wants to tell him he's dunking your kid's self-esteem into the toilet!! And to knock it off! But you promised you'd be nice. But she still doesn't want you to go anywhere near the guy. What do you do when it's really irking you to sign a cheque for $225 for her to sit on the bench for half the game? But she loves the game.
Help me out what's a mom to do? You who have older kids on teams, what do you do? Call the guy anyway and tell him your conversation better not get back to your daughter or affect the way he treats her or plays her in any negative way or you will hunt him down? That if he makes your little girl cry one more time you will threaten him to within one inch of his life? And what do you do with the guilt feelings that come when your feelings do not match up with your Christ-like walk? Sigh!
But I'm proud of my girl 'cause this is what she did while she was on that bench! She didn't pout or cry while there.
She cheered her team on as they came back from a 15 point deficit to tie the game in the last minute but then give up the last basket in the final 30 seconds and not get it back.
So tell me, what do ya do?
16 comments:
it is so hard to watch our children struggle. I've had to learn the art of backing off graciously...(but believe you me, I keep my mom radars UP and plugged in!)
my kids aren't older, but having been that age myself (just last year ;) I would encourage her to practice her old position on her own in case this continues...
wait and see how it goes. She may be able to learn a positive lesson in all of this if you don't jump in and solve it for her right away.
Just keep encouraging her and paying attention to how she is coping with it.
I do LOVE that Canadian "cheque" spelling for "check", though!
Blessings,
Karla
I don't know what I'd do. I'm really mouthy, so I'd be right up in his face and embarrasing my poor daughter to death, no doubt. So maybe I'm not the best person to ask!
Oh man...I don't know. And I'm sure I'll encounter problems like this sometime, too...
I sure would want to try to calmly (ahem) inquire about what that coach's thoughts are. But if you just can't right now, just keep telling her how proud you are of her great attitude and ability to be a great team player, in spite of the circumstances.
(Hugs!)
Oh, how I wish I had the answer. ?We have faced very similar situations with our oldest daughter and I think it is one of the hardest areas of parenting to navigate through.
I am not much help, but I have only talked to the coach or teacher once. I am always concerned it will hurt my child more than help their situation and yet it aches as a mom to watch them work so hard and be treated unfairly. The only good is the conversations that have resulted as a result of someone else's behavior.
I'm taking it that "Smacking the coach" is not an appropriate answer...
Perhaps prayer is the only option for this one. God can work wonders when we can't.
I think the most important thing here is teaching your daughter how to respond Biblically to these kinds of thing in her life. It looks like she is rejoicing and encouraging her other team members,which is something to praise her for...also,keep encouraging her to rejoice in all things....this is God's perfect plan for her life right now--to be okay with that--and to perservere.
It is hard,though...we can't always *fix* the problems....but,we can encourage,instruct,and love them through dealing with the problems.
I agree with praying for God's intervention also....only he can change the hearts of man.
I know I am not too much help,but I wanted to at least encourage you in helping build character in your sweet daughter.
Kim
Having raised two daughters who both played all kinds of sports in high school, I can tell you how I handled it. I comforted my daughter and I told her how much I respected her grown up attitude about having to accept something she didn't like.
The worst thing to do is ignore her wishes and go directly to the coach. She would be a lot more mortified and upset about that than she was sitting on the bench.
It's very hard and yes, it seems so unfair, but the only way to handle it is to help your daughter accept it. High school sports are unbelievably competitive and the coaches are going to play the very best players.
All she can really do is play her heart out when she's in the game.
I feel bad for both of you. This is not an easy thing to accept.
Not a mom here but I think I agree with the others - this is the time for her to begin to realize life is not fair. Affirm her for who she is. As a former coach, btw, it never helped the student's case when their parents came to me on their behalf. Although I'd like to think that I didn't do anything this bad, you can never please everyone. I will pray for you both - for wisdom and grace in this situation.
Pray.....pray for wisdom on what to do. Pray for the coach's guidance and leadership to be right...pray for your daughter that she will accept what is going on and hopefully she will learn something from this. Pray for God's will because even though they are OUR kids....they are his too....and it is just a game. I hope I helped.....
You've received such great advice from so many people all ready that I don't have much to add. I would just like to say I am praying for you and your daughter. There obviously is some great lesson to be learned here. I know that I hate when my kids are hurt and I just want to make them feel better too. You are a smart lady and I'm sure you'll do exactly what God leads you to do, or not do for that matter.
My son, whom I will call "Son," was a football player for many years. Similar things happened to him. He went to a summer camp one year, and his coach told him he was going to play him a lot that fall. He didn't. During practice, the coach would yell at the other guys, "Why can't you be more like [my son]? He's hustling, and he's doing this right." Even so, when game time came, he spent a lot of time in the cobwebs. Well, we felt the anger and pain you and you daughter feel. We did nothing, and I think it was for the best. We told him some of the same things you've been advised here: this is often the way the world is, etc. Not everyone will treat you like Grandma and Grandpa do, etc. After 11th grade, he decided, on his own, to play soccer instead of football. Can I just tell you, in spite of our reservations of quitting in his senior year, he had the best time ever playing soccer! His teammates accepted him even though he was new, and played entire games and shared the MVP award with another kid. It was a little difficult sometimes during the football games, but he went and supported the team. It was a tough time, but we saw him grow, and we stayed out of it, which is what he wanted. She'll get through it. And sometime, I want to write about when I was cut from the cheerleading squad in my SENIOR year. Trauma!But I lived through it, and knowing God helped me.Keep us informed. Sorry to be so windy!
What a sweet Mama you are Susanne! Your daughter is blessed to have you! I will pray that her coach wises up. I'm not experienced in all of this yet, so I will just pray.
I don't have kids that age yet, but I would probably encourage my child to speak to the coach herself and ask him if there's anything she can do to improve, or anything she can do to ensure that she gets to play in the position she's been working on. There are many similar problems in school music programs, with favorites and prechosen solos, and such, and I was the one to approach the chair of the music department when something similar happened to me in early highschool. It will show her you trust her to do a really mature thing- speak to an adult as a young adult.
Just my 2 cents!
I'll be keeping the situation in prayer.
Your daughter's attitude is mature (cheering for her teammates instead of pouting on the bench).
Definitely respect her wishes.
Hugs
Susanne--that's so tough. . . . I guess I would pray, pray, pray and try to ask nicely. Our poor babies.
Weighing in late here...
One of the things I do here at home is to encourage my kids to handle a problem themselves. I "coach" them on how to be humbly assertive.
She may not feel comfortable doing this and she may opt to not do it at all, but you could still "coach" her on how to talk to the coach herself. Maybe express her confusion about learning the new position, then being placed back in the old position. Maybe asking for clarification from him - that she wants to do her best wherever the team most needs her, but she's not clear where that is. Knowing what he feels is the best place for her will help her do her best to help the team in that area. Something like that.
Even if she chooses not to approach the coach about this, the practice will help equip her to handle similar occurances that are sure to pop up in life.
Wait! Did I just type that?
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