"Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.” Winnie the Pooh
Well, Winnie, I wish that were really true because when you have a friend like Linda "interview" you, she doesn't ask cutsie questions like "What is your favorite color" or "How old were you when you got your first kiss" or the ever-popular "What is your favorite movie". Nooooo. You get whoppers like the following. So now, I need to sit and think, think, think. Where's my coffee?
1. What is one thing you'd like to do but do not have the courage to do? And why don't you do it? What's the worse that can happen, anyway?
I'd love to go on the Amazing Race with my oldest daughter! What's the worst that can happen? I'd fall apart on national t.v. into an emtional idiot. And/or I'd get stuck halfway down a building they were making me descend or halfway up mountain they were making me climb or in a small space they were making me crawl through and they would have to call international 911. And why don't I do it? 'Cause they won't let us little 'ole Canadians on the show. Even though they taped an episode in my backyard, fer cryin' out loud!
2. Describe your worst date. Did the poor fella know it was your worst date? What did you learn from this experience?
My worst date was when I went out with my boyfriend of about a month and his best friend and my best friend. Unbeknownst to me, my sweetheart of a guy had a secret crush on my girlfriend. When my back was turned, the poor dear, just couldn't help himself, and snuck a kiss from said secret crush. Unbeknownst to him, his best friend liked me as a good friend and told me the first chance he got. Said boyfriend was shoved off the pier that night. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Ya, I'd say he knew if was my worst date. Right, moving on.
3. You are at a Nationally televised Presidential White House press conference as part of the press corps. President Bush calls on you because you're waving your hand around like a wild woman. You stand, but suddenly your heart races, your mouth dries and your seeing stars. You can't remember your brilliant question or utter a single syllable. The only thing you are able to do is sing. Remaining silent is not an option. What will you sing and why?
I guess "O Canada" would be the wrong answer. Just as a side note: do you know how hard it is to answer this question with "I will survive" running non-stop in my brain thanks to Linda yesterday? Ummm, ummm. I got it. Mary Poppins said to use this word when you didn't know what to say. So definitely: "Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious"!
4. If you were named "Supreme Blogging Commander of the Official World Wide Webbings of Intranets" or some such other prestigious title, what is the first rule you would lay down as non-negotiable?
Concerning comments: if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all. And no hijacking comments to advertise in any way, shape or form.
5. What is your favorite color? NOT!!! You are hiring someone for a position in your company. Nevermind which position. It's your job to hire the best candidate and then tell your superior why you chose that person. If you choose unwisely, you get fired. The pressure is on. Which will you choose of the following:
Candidate A brought her Ipod and said she could listen to you and the music at the same time.
Candidate B challenged you to an arm wrestling match.
Candidate C threw up on your desk and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened.
Candidate D stated that if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having your corporate logo tatooed on his forearem.
Candidate A. nope, may be able to multi task but shows disrespect
Candidate B. nope, too familiar with a superior
Candidate C. Hmm throwing up is not something they could help, can set aside how they personally feel to concentrate at the task at hand.
Candidate D. nope, too rash in thier decision making.
Candidate C it is. After I made them clean up the mess. And that's my final answer.
So if you're feeling gutsy, let me know in the comments, and I'll send you 5 interview questions, different from these, and I promise there is no way on God's green earth I will come up with smart questions like these. Now where's the Advil?