There are things every day that I see to admire in my kids. Well, if you are new here, my kids aren't really kids anymore. At 22, 20 and 17, I think it's safe to say they have moved out of the "kid" category but I'm not sure what to call them because no matter how big they get or how old they become they will be forever be my, well, kids. Anywhoo, I see things in them at their age that I wish I would have had way back then. And I wonder where my life would be if I had displayed some of the qualities they already show in their lives.
One of those qualities is a courageousness to experience life and new things that I never had at their age. Oh I wanted to do all sorts of stuff, dreamed of doing wonderful things, but never had the courage to grab ahold and go for it. I didn't move away to go to school, I didn't travel the world the way I wanted, I didn't even live on my own before getting married. I think in a sense, I let my parents practicality, sensibleness (is that a word?) and fears and worries direct me quite a lot. My mom is the queen of worry and she is quite good at thinking of all the stuff that could go wrong and letting it keep her up at night. We never attended a camp, didn't sleep over at friend's houses, didn't go on the Greyhound anywhere on our own. Which is all really ironic because it is my parents who, when they were young marrieds, left their family and friends and everything they knew and fled Hungary in the '56 revolution amidst gun fire and threat to their lives, traveled on land, boarded a boat and came to Canada. Not knowing anyone, the language, where they would end up in Canada or the life that they would have. They hoped for something better. And it spurred them on. Now that is courage if I ever heard of it. But then they settled in, worked hard and made a good, safe life. And I somehow didn't make that grabbing ahold of your dreams and go for it courage my own.
So now in a way, I live vicariously through the courage of my, uhm, kids. My oldest right out of high school moved to another province to pursue bible school and dance and is still there living her dreams. Away from home. My son is pursuing his dream of being a paramedic and will probably be moving to northern Alberta soon to get better experience. Not knowing a soul or what to expect. Pursuing his dreams. And my youngest jumps right in to things she wants to do at the drop of a hat full of courage. Case in point. On Saturday we went to the theatre to see a movie together as a family. While buying our tickets, we learned that they were also auditioning at the theatre for a movie they will be shooting here in town. After getting our popcorn and drinks and settling comfortably into our seats, she excuses herself and off she goes and auditions for a part in the movie. And she wasn't even nervous. Now bear in mind, she's been in a couple of plays at school, but no major parts, the usual Sunday school stuff but that is the extent of her stage experience. She's taken drama at school and enjoys it. And then on the spur of the moment, she auditions for a movie. Wow. I am in awe.
And don't take me wrong. Some of the things they grab ahold of scare the daylights out of me. But I've always determined I would try to support them to the best of my ability, not letting my fears hold them down. Not that we didn't say "no" to them when we really felt they shouldn't engage in something. But for the most part, we tried to be supportive. And I think the difference is I have something I can do with my fears. I have a knowledge that my kids are really not my own but they belong to the King of Kings, the Creator of this world and themselves, that it is He who directs their lives, has a plan for them and has given them their gifts. And it is this same caring God who asks me to "be anxious for nothing....but by prayer let my requests be made know to Him...and His peace will guard my heart" (Phil 4:6-7 my paraphrase) and this same mighty God who says that we, and that includes my kids no matter their age they are " ... indelibly imprinted (tatooed a picture of) you on the palm of each of My hands..." (Isaiah 49:16 Amplified Bible). And that brings this Mama comfort and peace (even though fear trys to take me over) and allows me to let them be courageous.
Which leads me to say maybe one day I just might be blogging to say to watch my youngest "coming to a theatre near you".